CC Duren

Last night i bought one of my favorite foods in the whole world, i bought pizza!!! i love frozen pizza, i love any kind, with any topping. last night i just bough a cheese (which is probably my fav.), i ate half of it in a matter of minutes, it was good, but something was missing.  as i sat in bed reading sisterhood of the traveling pants (before going to see my midnight showing of sex and the city) i realized that pizza tastes better when i am in steamboat, i don’t know why, but it is a cold hard fact!  i sat there thinking about all of the pizza i have consumed there… ALOT!! i thought about all the good times i have had eating that pizza… even if it was just because Eric and i were sitting on the couch together it represented a good time.  i think my favorite pizza i have ever eaten there was my last, it was the first night, of my last trip (one month ago).  E was on the phone and Brent, and Chase and i decided we would start without him, as we ate the pizza Brent and i began to fight (not for real, just play).  I hit him upside the head, and he began to tickle me, the next thing i knew we were in a full out brawl, and i had pizza sauce all over my face.  I was screaming, and laughing, and at that very moment i looked over at E’s door, he was in a not so pleasant conversation, but for a split second he pulled the phone away from his head, shot me a smile, and said “I’m happy your here”.  from that moment on i new i would love eating pizza in steamboat, i just wish i wouldn’t have ruined eating pizza in bozeman.

Tonight, upon returning home from the midnight showing of the “sex and the city” movie i felt something that i have not felt in quite sometime, i felt something looming over me, like a ghost, or a spirit of some sort.  i felt lonely.  if there is one thing that i know about myself it is that i am a loner, i love living by myself, going to midnight movies by myself, and even eating meals by myself… or at least i did.  tonight when walking from the theatre to my car i felt like i was missing something, i checked my purse, i had everything that i had come with, but i guess i just wanted to leave with more.

when turning the knob and entering through the door of my little apartment i couldn’t help but wish someone was with me, not that i need someone, i just wanted someone.  i walked through my house noticing all the little quwarks that i had never noticed before.  for instance my piles of sweats on the floor (something i put on everyday after work), my tiny little couch (which is even to small for me), my heaping piles of yarn (you might as well get me twelve cats and call me old), my almost empty refrigerator, my single bed, and my bathroom door which has never been shut… all indications that i live alone.  

i don’t know, i guess its not the living alone part that i mind… i actually love that!  i love the freedom of never answering to anyone, coming home and knowing that i can watch whatever i want on tv, in whatever i want (haha, like there is any question… sweats please).  I just want some companionship, someone to call my own.  and in some ways i feel like i have that… or at least i did until the “charlie brown” in my messed things up!

There are 2 tragedies in life.  one is not to get your heart’s desire.  the other is to get it!

- george bernard shaw

I am in love with this show!!! it is amazing, i look forward to it every Monday!!! Today i was literally sitting at work counting down the minutes until 7, so i could see the new episode!!!!  its great, it has drama, romance, love, and real life comedy!!! YAY!!!