CC Duren

Today at work i started thinking about all the things we do, and never know that it will be the last time we will do them.  For instance you never thought the last staring contest you were in would be the last, or that the last time you played house, or G.I. Joe’s would be the last, but at some point that time comes.  As the years pass, and my age grows old there are many things that i have loved, and left.  Its sad if you think about, something that used to mean so much to us, can become just a figment from your past, a mere memory.  I used to be OBSESSED with Beanie Babies, and i can’t even tell you the last time i looked at one, yet alone played with one.

Then there are those other lasts, the really sad kind of lasts.  Like the last time i talked to Jenna, or the last time i saw her.  The last time i played with my dog Flag, or the last time I went into our old house on 214 N. Platt.  One of the lasts i think about to often is my “last” ski race.  For so many years this sport consumed my life, and now i can’t even remember the last race i competed in.  These are the other lasts, the kind we try not to think about, only because they bring pain, instead of wonder.

So today while trying to cope with a serious case of hick ups i began to wonder which painful, gut wrenching hick up would be the last, and i guess it got me thinking… what other “lasts” will i go through this year?  will they be good lasts, or bad ones?  so i made a list of all the things i want to be “lasts” this year.

1. i want it to be the last time i pay $4 for gas

2. i want it to be the last year in school

3. i want Alexa to be the last thing i think about

4. i want this to be the last Bush in office

5. i want this fire to be the last in Montana… or at least in Red Lodge

It was only a matter of weeks ago that I, Courtney Duren turned 20 years old.  Now while most people make predictions on New Years, I place my bids on predictions on my birthday.

1. I will become more open with my deepest most inner feelings

2. I will learn to love school… even if i am over it!

3. I will learn to forgive, and be less jealous 

4. I will start writing the book I have talked so much about (mostly to myself)

5. I will not give up on E

6. I will forget Alexa, as I mean nothing to her, and she should mean nothing to me

7. I will be the bigger person

8. I will try to write more blogs

9. I will take my photography career more seriously

10. I will let go of the past, and try to live an undefined future

and last but not least i will try to be the girl with the glitter that runs through her veins.  The girl who sees all through the eyes of greatness.  I will become someone to be proud of, and stop hanging out in dark rooms, dreaming about what the future could be.